Saturday, August 8, 2009

El Paso baby yeah!

Yesterday was my and the boys first full day here. At first it seemed a little depressing to see my sister and her daughters leave in the morning. It felt odd to be alone in her house with my family, knowing they wouldn't be back for days. And then came the uncomfortable anxiety of unfilled time. I strangely only vaguely remember this sensation when moving to Maryland. Maryland... seems a distant memory already.

Anyway, again came flooding back the old feelings of needing purpose. What am I to do here, Lord? Fighting the urge to settle into stability, absolutely opposed to refinding the normal life. I don't want to fill my time uselessly anymore. I don't want to have a home so that I can hide from the world. I don't feel God has lead us here only to regress into that lifestyle.

I can tell you what Maryland was. I can see the good that came from that and even many purposes in it. On the outside, it seemed impulsive on both ends; the move out there and the move from there. But I knew and Dan knows what a growing experience it was for us together and individually.

So what will El Paso be for the transient Tinsmans? Only God knows... I have my suspicions, for sure. As difficult as the balance is between settling for a time and knowing our imperminance, I have trust in God's plans for us. I just need to keep my sight within today and save the big thoughts for the guy in charge.