Why did you make me?
Not with hard heart do I query…
Not with fearful anxiety do I beg…
I am at Your Feet, Almighty God…
Your creation speaks.
She wants to know what You had in mind… before she existed.
I am blown away by You.
You made me.
The statement that rocked my existence in 2000. That stilled the screaming agony of hopelessness in my head, heart, and body.
I could deny many things… but that.
It saved my life.
Now it guides my life.
It is not just a neat trinket I found on the floor… to put on the shelf.
It is my sail, my rudder, my wheel, my map, my wind.
I don’t even know myself.
Not even a little compared to how completely You know me.
So show me more, Lord.
Open the windows, flood my life with light, fill the rooms of my soul with love… knowing (and now seeing in retrospect) how painful it is to see myself so clearly.
This is pain worth suffering… to know who You made me to be. To not close my eyes to what You are showing me.
So gently… so patiently… so deliberately.
Steadfastly dedicated to me being who You made me to be.
And I, being so unaware…
Allowing fear to sway me, anxiety to cloud my sight.
I let my painful memories live in the future… I so fiercely guard myself from any possible threat.
But wherever I am going, you will take me there.
Whatever I face, you have prepared for it.
You have always drawn me in … at the right times.
And pushed me out… at the right times.
You’ve whispered such quiet, yet blood stirring things without my prompting.
I receive from You… as You will.
My actions do not control Your behavior towards me.
Here is freedom.
From my Maker.
A life… deliberated already.
A life.. always on a path prepared for me.
A life… to be received, not taken.